New Wine In Old Wineskins

Coming back to my old blog (sonofthefatheroflights) felt not dissimilar to my first trip back to Atlanta as a college student. I remember having a strange urge to go back to my old high school - not for any particular reason, though I suppose seeing that I had spent much of the last four years there, a part of me was unconsciously nudged to go back.

It had only been four months since graduation. I thought I’d be able to waltz in and blend easily with the students, picking up friendships and networking with teachers right where I left off. I was wrong. I felt like a stranger in a place that for four years was virtually home to me - even when it was a harsh and unforgiving one.

As I moved with the crowd of students, I noticed something no one else did - I no longer belonged there. Everything felt different, though everything was exactly the same. It was me who had changed so drastically. I didn’t realize it while it was happening, I suppose I couldn’t see myself evolving because the process was such a subtle one. It took returning to an old environment to realize what had happened. The person I was didn’t fit the shell of who I was when I was there, and the person I had become would forever be a visitor in that space, never a denizen.

Mark 2:22

New Living Translation (NLT)

22 “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”

The same thing happens in all aspects of life, I guess. Jesus cautioned us in Mark about putting “new wine in old wineskins”. The danger isn’t just in destroying the old wineskins, but losing the new wine that has been cultivated! I certainly believe that’s what would have happened with sonofthefatheroflights. I’ve changed so radically in my time away, that trying to fit my new being in that old shell just felt forced and uncomfortable. It couldn’t contain it, and I want to steward the “new wine” He’s pouring out over me well, hence the change.

I am brave. I am fearless. I am His. I am finding myself, and learning to like who that is. These are all the parts of me that would have spilled out of that cup. This might get messy. But it will forever be me. This is my journey.

Welcome. -RJ

I. still. love. her. She does things to me, things I cannot begin to describe - but I tried. :/ Today, she came back for her holiday break, and it felt as if two celestial lights that had found their own orbits collided in one’s irresistible attraction. But enough with the imagery. I don’t get it. Clearly, we aren’t together. Any feelings that were mutual have to be gone on her end by now. I suppose it all comes back to the fact that I’ve always felt stronger about her than she felt about me, even if its outside of my personality to show it. And maybe that’s why she doesn’t understand that I can’t just be her “friend”. It doesn’t matter how well we fit each other (like two pieces of a whole that have always slipped right into each other’s grooves as if they were designed to be that way), or even how badly I want us to. I can never be happy that way - I’ll always miss that we were more.

She walked in today. If angels walked the earth, I believe she would make them envious with her radiance. And I don’t just mean her appearance because she’s beautiful but, its more than that. I used to call her star, because it seemed like she had a glow, and everything got caught in her gravity. And our friends called me starstruck, haha. Still… I was cordial - that is I spoke, but I didn’t hug her, regarding her with the awkward distancing we only reserve for those who were once more than just our friends. I guess there’s a part of me that believes that if I never touch/see/spend time with her like we did, I’ll never fall as hard as I did before, and that part had been RIGHT - until now. When she looked wounded at what I assume was perceived to be a snub, I rose to greet her in my embrace.

And I was hooked, line and sinker. Her person was branded inside my mind - she wore a maroon blouse, I remember because it brought out her eyes, and a black skirt that stopped just above her knee and drew a bit too much of my attention from anything else for the first few minutes we shared space. Her hair was down, in one of my favorite styles, and it framed her youthful smile with an adult-like grace, and aside from some of her more mature choices - a bit more makeup, and pearls, when she smiled, I could easily be looking at the girl I first fell for almost a decade ago.

My world froze, and my breath caught in my chest before crashing as I remembered - she’s dating someone else now. Our embrace was awkward, yet wonderful as I rose to greet her. I inhaled her perfume and was reminded of a simpler time when we would have held each other closer. I didn’t want to let go. The rest of the day was filled with witty exchanges, and our eyes lighting up as we were reminded just how much we once shared ourselves and our secrets with the other, punctuated with inside jokes and lame excuses as to why we stayed out of contact for so long over the past few months. For lack of a better word, things felt…. right. And then, she was gone, and they felt “not so right” again.

She came back though! It was later, during the show, that she slid into the seat next to me and I placed my arm behind her chair, grazing her shoulder with my fingertips. She smiled and before long, our attentions were diverted from the stage and towards each other as we engaged in a flirty banter. And all the while, we both knew that our time was drawing to a close - only to be replaced by more empty excuses and promises.

The Pastor called for prayer. Unprompted, and perhaps even outside of our will, our hands reached for each other. This was instinctive - the result of too many nights spent with heads bowed, trips to the altar, and well… other times too when we just wanted an excuse to eliminate any space between us. Still, I reached out as a friend, but she repositioned my hand to a handhold that was once so familiar when we were each other’s. As she spread her hand against mine, I knew what was coming next - Our fingers intertwined slowly, forming a beautiful zipper whose pattern had long been forgotten. And as her chilly fingers warmed under mine, and our spaces that always fit each other interlocked perfectly, I realized I would be content to stay that way until eternity, that I never wanted to let her go.

What I Believe… (to be updated, added to, and perhaps even changed)

Well! I have compiled a pretty wide ranging statement of my personal beliefs. Enjoy!  

In Relation To Common Theological Doctrine

I affirm the Methodist Affirmation of Faith, and the Methodist Articles of Faith

I affirm the doctrine of continuationism - meaning that I believe in the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, and manifestations of His spiritual gifts are alive, and still practiced today.

I fundamentally believe in the inherent errancy of theology being that it is based on the human attempt to understand God’s logic (theology, by definition), and that it is safe to assume that any theological doctrine, therefore, is flawed and more than one theological stance may be correct (as long as they don’t contradict) or a combination of doctrines is probably more accurate (because no human has the fullness of truth).

I recognize God as omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. While I acknowledge God’s divine foreknowledge, I do not allege that divine foreknowledge is in direct conflict with free will, rather believing that even in spite of Him being all-knowing of the choices we will make, that He still give us the ability to choose. I believe in prevenient grace, and essential kenosis

In Relation to the Calvinist Five Doctrines of Grace

(John 3:16,17; Romans 5:8, 18; 2 Corinthians 5:14,15; 1 Timothy 2:4; 4:10; Hebrews 2:9; 10:29; 2 Peter 2:1; 1 John 2:2; 4:14; Romans 14:15; 1 Corinthians 8:11; Hebrews 10:29, Mathew 11:28, Isaiah 45:22, John 7:37, John 12:32, Acts 17:30, 2 Peter 3:9, Revelation 22:17, 1 Timothy 4:10, Titus 2:11, 2 Peter 3:9, John 1:29)

I affirm the doctrine of Total Depravity,

I reject the premise of Unconditional Election, and believe that Christ died for all

I believe in Unlimited Atonement, not in universal salvation, but rather that all sin past and future of all people was atoned for by Christ.

I believe in Resistible Grace, that rejection of God’s grace comes out of our total depravity (or complete corruption).

I support the Perseverance of Saints (with minor modifications)

In Relation to My Lifestyle of Worship, & Personal Convictions

I am continuationist, and charismatic by my personal experience with the Holy Spirit. My birth was foretold all the way down to my physical appearance, as well as that of my brother.

I believe in creative miracles,have seen the healing power of God released in the laying of hands, and have felt the Holy Spirit guide me to speak over people, and am blessed with the gifting of prophetic worship. While I have never operated in the gift of tongues (xenoglossia), I do not deny its existence. I have, however, experienced glossolalia, generally in worship leading when I am so overcome by the physical manifestation of the Spirit, that my singing breaks down into syllables.

I believe that there is power in prayer, and that God grants us all prayer that is aligned with His Divine Will. I believe in baptism by immersion as preferable because of biblical instruction but view it as an outward symbol of an inner conversion that has already taken place, and not a prerequisite to salvation.

I believe that God is Love, even in the midst of His sovereignty and judgement and that its the Love of the Father that gives life, the Love of Christ that saves, and the Love of the Holy Spirit that convicts.

Furthermore, I believe it is the Holy Spirit that pricks our hearts, convicting us of our nature, and bringing us to repentance. I believe that we were meant to be one with God. That was our purpose, that was our calling. And when we separate ourselves from God, we try to fill the space meant for Him with drugs, and sex, and alcohol and work and school, and knowledge, and money but we can’t. Deep within, we were created to worship. Our souls crave God.

In worship, I believe in singing and dancing before the Lord, because He told us to in addition to other creative outlets. I believe that through worship we enter the presence of God, and that as a worship leader, it is my responsibility to encourage people to encounter Him for themselves, NOT to encounter Him for them. To these ends, I believe a need for an increase in WORSHIP, and downsizing the church in the Church which will only come from a revival of the Holy Spirit. I aim to WORSHIP in spirit and truth, giving Him all that I am, and to release the cry of the heart He has placed within me. Finally, God says in a statement of His character, that He makes all things new. Therefor e, I believe if we are not constantly being renewed, if our WORSHIP looks and operates virtually the same, then He is not inhabiting it, and we have begun to worship the ritual of church not our Creator.