Worship is beholding him. Its choosing awareness of His presence — when the angels see him they fall and cry holy. Its the natural response.
What would it look like if we stopped looking for what God is doing or where he is in it all, and instead chose to rest in His presence, the knowing that He’s there. He IS. His heart is always for us, celebrating our victories and comforting us in our loss.
Last year, my testimony looked a little different. It was rooted in what God had done and was doing — and the fruit from that in my life was incredible! This year I learned that the splendor of Heaven is less about what God’s done and more about who he is, who he’s been, who he’ll be.
I’ve undergone radical growth and change since I came here two years ago that anyone who knew me before, doesn’t recognize the person they encounter now in the best way.
I’d spent the vast majority of my life being celebrated for all the things I did and as a result I developed a value system around what I could do for people, how I could please them, what I could do to gain their approval but I didn’t feel much value for who I was.
Coming to Bethel was different. In coming here, the Lord asked me to lay down all the things I’d used to self identify — my career, the approval of my parents and community, traditional education. I was asked to resign from the youth pastor position I held, and to top it all off the month before school started, I opened my mouth to sing and nothing came out. Coming to Bethel, my SAT score didn’t matter, my scholarships, my grades — none of it.
And I remember being terrified. On one hand, I was tired of living up to other people’s whims and expectations, but on the other I was sure that this community wouldn’t have a value for me without any of my talent — that I’d be alone and unliked. And to my surprise I was celebrated over, and over, and over again for no other reason but that I existed. Love is not based on the performance of the receiver, but on the character of the giver. Feeling that I belonged completely wrecked any value I had for fitting in.
Finding my value in who I was and not what I could do released me into so much freedom. I’ve learned to be afraid and do it anyway. To say or sing the things that make your voice quiver. To dance with the Lord — even when EVERYONE is watching. I’ve learned that courage is a choice, and boldness is an action, and that as much as I might sometimes want to back into my comfort zone, we have a comforter for a reason. I've learned that defeating fear is not the absence of anxiety but the presence of boldness so I choose.
I choose to run towards all the things that make my knees shake instead of away from them.
That kind of honor perspective-altering. I realized that I’d applied the faulty value system in my heart that I’d measured myself against to God as well. I spent the entire year declaring God was good because of what He had done, which was incredible and I was grateful, but this year I had a different choice. It wasn’t always easy, and I didn’t always succeed but I chose to celebrate God’s presence in spite of how things might look around me and I realized something — the testimony looked different, but it was still the same. God was still good. God was still faithful. His goodness and character were not defined by my situation.
There’s so much more rest in the revelation of Him simply being ever-present with us through it all. I don't have to always figure it all out. These days i think i'm ok with not knowing as much while leaning back a bit more and enjoying the ride. I figure if I do that then one day i'll look up and find that we all will have simply arrived, just where we need to be.
As Ben and Kelly’s song goes, “to see Him in His glory and to know He’s in our midst. to see him in His glory and know His love exists.” Lauren Brownlee loves to say, “Is this the life I chose?” I want to congratulate all of you for the choices you made this year together. The choice to behold him — to never let the wonder get away. To choose to take courage as our portion as sons and daughters, and run towards the dreams in our hearts that scare us. To be surrounded by an army of revivalists who run beside us, championing our every step as we bring heaven to earth. Telling us that we are the brave, the worthy, the conquerors and our hope is ever—present even when we can’t see Him, we know He is on the horizon. This is a life worth choosing. The past two years have been my honor.
Bless you.