Authenticity Chronicles

Being purposeful about cultivating an environment of love creates space for experiencing relationship in safety and encourages the personal growth which empowers us to reign in life.

I can't quite pinpoint when this happened, I think it was slowly at first, and then all at once, but life became so much more fulfilling when I realized you should never feel like you have to convince someone to love you.

Jesus hung out with outcasts and sinners because they weren't pretending to be anything other than who they were. He had the courage to be himself, consistently in every interaction - whether it was a leper or a temple leader, a fisherman or a rich young ruler. He was true to who he was - always and everywhere, and that's what he calls us to do. To follow Jesus means that we've got to be real. Jesus didn't only command us to love God, one another, and ourselves. He showed us how: by being himself, by being real, whether he was accepting the cheers of the palm-waving crowd or later hanging on the cross, questioning God and forgiving those who jeered him. His message stayed the same: Be true to who you are, knowing the cost. How else can you worship the Creator of all being, the great 'I am,' except by being the person that God created you to be?I’ve been convinced that LGBT Christians have a special role to play in teaching the church how to be Christian.

Christians who tell each other the truth. 
Christians who confess our sins and forgive our enemies. Christians who embrace our neighbors.
 Christians who sit together in our pain, and in our healing, and wait for resurrection.

Self-Therapy on a Ledge - Short Form Poetry

breathe.in, then out. slowly now.

know that this is but a moment, and as all moments do, it will pass. 
look. its already passing.

soon it will be but another part of your past and you, 
you will still be here. still be here, okay?
I know there are days when you feel like you are on a train thats soon to derail
and you can't imagine jumping from the tracks but you're not sure if you're afraid
or just not quite brave enough.

give yourself permission to be either, or both.

Bethel In Retrospective

Worship is beholding him. Its choosing awareness of His presence — when the angels see him they fall and cry holy. Its the natural response.

What would it look like if we stopped looking for what God is doing or where he is in it all, and instead chose to rest in His presence, the knowing that He’s there. He IS. His heart is always for us, celebrating our victories and comforting us in our loss.

Last year, my testimony looked a little different. It was rooted in what God had done and was doing — and the fruit from that in my life was incredible! This year I learned that the splendor of Heaven is less about what God’s done and more about who he is, who he’s been, who he’ll be.

I’ve undergone radical growth and change since I came here two years ago that anyone who knew me before, doesn’t recognize the person they encounter now in the best way.

I’d spent the vast majority of my life being celebrated for all the things I did and as a result I developed a value system around what I could do for people, how I could please them, what I could do to gain their approval but I didn’t feel much value for who I was.

Coming to Bethel was different. In coming here, the Lord asked me to lay down all the things I’d used to self identify — my career, the approval of my parents and community, traditional education. I was asked to resign from the youth pastor position I held, and to top it all off the month before school started, I opened my mouth to sing and nothing came out. Coming to Bethel, my SAT score didn’t matter, my scholarships, my grades — none of it.

And I remember being terrified. On one hand, I was tired of living up to other people’s whims and expectations, but on the other I was sure that this community wouldn’t have a value for me without any of my talent — that I’d be alone and unliked. And to my surprise I was celebrated over, and over, and over again for no other reason but that I existed. Love is not based on the performance of the receiver, but on the character of the giver. Feeling that I belonged completely wrecked any value I had for fitting in.

Finding my value in who I was and not what I could do released me into so much freedom. I’ve learned to be afraid and do it anyway. To say or sing the things that make your voice quiver. To dance with the Lord — even when EVERYONE is watching. I’ve learned that courage is a choice, and boldness is an action, and that as much as I might sometimes want to back into my comfort zone, we have a comforter for a reason. I've learned that defeating fear is not the absence of anxiety but the presence of boldness so I choose.

I choose to run towards all the things that make my knees shake instead of away from them.

That kind of honor perspective-altering. I realized that I’d applied the faulty value system in my heart that I’d measured myself against to God as well. I spent the entire year declaring God was good because of what He had done, which was incredible and I was grateful, but this year I had a different choice. It wasn’t always easy, and I didn’t always succeed but I chose to celebrate God’s presence in spite of how things might look around me and I realized something — the testimony looked different, but it was still the same. God was still good. God was still faithful. His goodness and character were not defined by my situation.

There’s so much more rest in the revelation of Him simply being ever-present with us through it all. I don't have to always figure it all out. These days i think i'm ok with not knowing as much while leaning back a bit more and enjoying the ride. I figure if I do that then one day i'll look up and find that we all will have simply arrived, just where we need to be.

As Ben and Kelly’s song goes, “to see Him in His glory and to know He’s in our midst. to see him in His glory and know His love exists.” Lauren Brownlee loves to say, “Is this the life I chose?” I want to congratulate all of you for the choices you made this year together. The choice to behold him — to never let the wonder get away. To choose to take courage as our portion as sons and daughters, and run towards the dreams in our hearts that scare us. To be surrounded by an army of revivalists who run beside us, championing our every step as we bring heaven to earth. Telling us that we are the brave, the worthy, the conquerors and our hope is ever—present even when we can’t see Him, we know He is on the horizon. This is a life worth choosing. The past two years have been my honor.

Bless you.

I love Jesus! I love even his seemingly mundane life choices - there's so much intention and purpose in each one. I love how he chose to plan ahead; how he found a dozen people he just met, said "Hey I like you, you seem cool. So what are you doing for the rest of your life? Want to hang out?" I love that Jesus asks me the same thing. Yes, Jesus! Always yes! Here's to a lifetime of new adventures!

and with grace and much perseverance He started to believe in himself and so it became the year where everything changed

we agreed to love each other madly
but I didn’t see it driving us insane
we believed the grey skies, storm clouds were always passing
i wish you’d danced with me in the rain

Selah Lyrics

When the waves crash high, when the winds blow angrily
When the storms surround me, I will look to you

When the bones are dry, you breathe new life, I see valleys rise with one word from you

And I long to move your heart with my song,
In confidence where you are is where I long to remain
And I long to move your heart with my song,
Take courage that where you are is where my fears fade

You are my Hope, on the horizon
When my voice it trembles and my faith is shaken.
You are my answer, You are my reason to just hold on

All that is chaos, is peace in your presence.
You whisper, "Be still in the midst of this madness."
And at your wisdom, I'm breathlessly awed, filled with gladness,
For You're so good to me.

Selah, I have gazed upon the splendor of the heavens,
All Your glory, my mouth is filled with praise.
How You amaze me, its more than what you've done,
Its who You've been... its who You'll be.

You are good and You are holy,
Your Kingdom come in power, glory
You are justice, You are mercy,
Yours is honor, worthy King.

You are good and You are holy,
Your Kingdom come in power, glory
You are steadfast, never leaving,
You have been my faithful friend

Star Student - Short Form Poetry

Do not allow this mask of calm to deceive you.
It is easy to believe what you see on the surface.
Look deeper than the surface.
My head is submerged under the water.
I am very much overwhelmed by all of this.
I do not yet know how to ask for help.

Do not mistake my silence for tranquility.
You cannot hear wars fought worlds away.
I know I may seem far away.
It is because my nights are spent in the trenches.
I am at war with my thoughts.
I am at war with myself.

Do not always take me as I appear.
Stars are not small or gentle as they’d appear.
Stars are violently dying and burning, creating new worlds.
They are not here to be pretty.
They only look pretty from a distance.
My process has not been pretty.
Come close with your telescope - see this is not pretty.
I am learning I do not have to be either.
I have learned too much from them.

"People are going to think what they want, I let them. You can’t control perception, It’s a losing game so I don’t play. I let them lose. Lose themselves in their own fantasies of what they want me to be. A rebel, an angel, a romantic, a heart breaker, a child, a man. Perhaps I’m all of these things. Perhaps I’m none. But what I am is for me to find out. It’s for me to know."